Unlike the notions of everlasting marriages and matches being made in heaven, the truth is that marriages fail. More marriages than ever are falling apart in today’s time and I frequently get to hear the news of break-ups. Like this friend of mine who ended up with a ‘wrong’ person and chose to move on or this acquaintance who has made all attempts to save her marriage but all went in vain and so she decided to get divorced.
When a marriage fails there is a lot of emotional upheaval, important decisions to be made and the toughest part for many is to face the ever so judgmental people around them.
Are we as a society, so quick to judge? Yes we are. We may not know a person intimately, but when their relationship fails, we have this sudden inquisitiveness over what went wrong and then come the assumptions, followed by judgements and a quick dismissal saying “I knew this would happen because this person is not at all adjusting…” or they blame it on the so-called modern society “In our times, divorce was a taboo but these days every second person, it seems, is getting divorced. Zamana kaharab hai! ”and so on.
I know a couple from my parent’s generation who have always fought with each other, stayed apart for a few years and then got together “for the sake of kids” and again had frequent fights and today they live separately. None has filed for a divorce because of the social stigma attached to this word. And if you ask their kids, who are now grown-ups, about their parent’s decision to stay together for their sake, both of them think that it was a bad idea. Why? Because every other day they heard their parents hurling the choicest abuses and blaming each other for ruining their life.
In households where the couples fight frequently, the major sufferers are the kids who silently bear the brunt. Often these kids may grow up to be emotionally weak, because of the unfavourable family atmosphere!
Regardless of all the scares, more couples than ever are deciding to call it quits. The idealists may say that the social fabric of Indian society is falling apart but there are many questions that loom in this so-called compromised co-existence.
If you realize that nothing seems to work in your marriage and all that you have for your partner is bitterness, anger and hate, isn’t moving on a better option?
If the reason that you both are staying together is something other than love than is it worth it? You want your marriage to last long and even after putting your best foot forward, you are unhappy then is staying married a good idea?
It takes guts to move on especially in a judgmental society like ours, but staying together when there is no love, respect and care is also a failed marriage. If marriage implied survival then this co-existence may seem to work. But if marriage is more than just survival, if it is about being happy and fulfilled then moving on gives you the freedom, which does come with responsibilities, but living in a world where you are free to make choices does make sense.